I am, you anxious one.

Don’t you sense me, ready to break
into being at your touch?
My murmurings surround you like shadowy wings.
Can’t you see me standing before you
Cloaked in stillness?
Hasn’t my longing ripened in you
From the beginning
As fruit ripens on a branch?

I am the dream you are dreaming
When you want to awaken, I am the wanting.
I grow strong in the beauty you behold.
And with the silence of stars I enfold
your cities made by time.

This poem by Rilke has helped comfort my quivering soul through many moments of fear and uncertainty.  I remember chanting some of these lines as I drove with two young children far from home through a wild rainstorm one night.  I remember holding these words on a crumpled up paper when I doubted I had the strength to get through my own wilderness of self-loathing.  I am generally a very positive and spiritual person, but I have lost so much in this life that the moments of uncertainty can be very deep and painful, and sometime I forget the source of all goodness and light.  Shadowy wings can only be sensed and heard when our spirit is still enough to be listening.  The chaos of life must be blocked out and the truth, “cloaked in stillness”, acknowledged.  It is much more difficult than it should be, or seems.  Through this blog, I hope to create a space to process the depth of my struggle to remember that these shadowing wings which surround all of us.   There is so much beauty and light that we deny ourselves access to by being so caught up in the swirling distractions, the river of sludge constantly flowing through the caverns of our mind.  By paying attention with my heart and intellect I hope to grab a few more strands of the higher order, the I am that I call God, or a unity of all truth, love and light.